I want to, but…
I want to do this professionally. I know I can. I know I won’t get bored. I know I can be successful. I have been playing and playing and playing and my statistics say I can beat this thing. If I approach it professionally, I can beat the hell out of it and I would spend many, many more hours doing what I love.
BUT
am I throwing my “former” life away?
I’m a postdoc, I have worked years to get to be at the highest level in astrophysics where I am now. If I go to a conference in my field, everybody recognizes me and my papers. I can get grants easily, I have money at least until 2011, but I think further. I have worked hard, very hard to get to where I am at. Ever since I was 14 years old, I have wanted to become an astronomer. I went through horrible physics courses, where I never had any intention of doing anything with stuff like condensed matter physics and passed them, just because I saw the light at the end of the tunnel -> Professional Astronomer. Getting paid to go to telescope. Hey, getting paid to use the Hubble Space Telescope. Getting paid to talk to kids about it. Seeing the eyes of people when I tell them I work for NASA and Caltech.
I have been frustrated the last few months, though. Speeding home at night to play poker. Not getting any good data at the telescope. Writing boring papers. Pettiness and politics among colleagues, that are part of any job, but still are sad, because many scientist forego many, many personal accomplishments in order to succeed and become professors, so the job-stuff is even more scary.
ALSO
What am I gonna tell people?
My mom still thinks poker can’t be beaten. My dad sort of gambles 3-4 times a week on the slots. While I can’t say he’s an addict, there are definitely some elements of that there. He never puts any of our money in jeopardy, but still money bleeds away slowly. So she never believes me, when I say what I win. She thinks I’m having a streak of luck. And even if she does believe me and actually finds the things interesting, she has this image of smoke-filled cardrooms with mafiosi running the tables and that her little daughter should not be part of that crowd. And that is the image everybody has of poker players, to a certain degree, that is. You are a burden to society and a predator of the weak at best!
Little do they know the worlds that separate the Rio casino and the Rio convention center during WSOP and I don’t mean that the walk is freaking long. Most of the people running around in the Amazon room are 20, 30-somethings, mostly male, kinda nerdy looking, but very cool people. I can’t stress how much I identify with that crowd. How I can spend hours analyzing one hand, one poker subject, but also like to just let it loose.
And so I sit here, thinking and thinking… jeez, I should just play 
—
Disclaimer: If you read this and you know who I am personally, please don’t comment on this outside of my “bellatrix” world. No notes on my facebook page or similar, please. I have not given up my job and even if I will, I won’t do it until September officially.
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Comments
It takes 90% of a locomotive’s energy to get it going. Once it’s going it only needs about 10% of its engine power to keep moving.
You’ve done the work to get the astro-train movin’, so now allow yourself to reap the benefits of that work! Even if it’s just for a few years–grind it out in the real world. You owe it to yourself to enjoy the benefits of your efforts.
I also left academia to play poker. When I did, I was shocked at how quickly I tired of the smoky casinos and the dirty old men. It’s easy to glamorize playing poker professionally, but in my experience the downs (being away from home, variance, isolation, feeling that the work doesn’t matter or contribute to the betterment of society, etc) pretty much nullify the ups (freedom, time to volunteer, do things you love, etc).
Also, it sounds like you are pretty Type A, as am I. You can’t forget/underscore how difficult it is psychologically to do something that offers few accomplishments that aren’t monetary. Getting grants, receiving acknowledgment from other academics, etc feels good. I wish those kinds of things didn’t affect one’s sense of self, but they do. And in poker it’s just you and your bankroll balance. That has been one of the hardest parts for me to deal with.
That being said, it is sure hard to do other stuff when you know you’d rather be at the tables. I know several professors that play a whole lot of poker, especially during the summers. Maybe that’s an option?
good luck.
Thanks amarillosb!
Are you gonna be at WSOP Ladies’ event again? I would love to talk to you some more. I have no address for you. Anyway my 2+2 name is bellatrix, maybe you can send a pm, so we can meetup?
I definitely know how you feel about leaving your current life for poker and everything you built up. I’m an apparel designer and did very well at it.. unfortunately, I was laid off in Feb. (lack of seniority, economy..) Since then I have designed my own jewelry line, freelance and play poker. While I’m not ready to support myself as a pro poker.. I now have the time to go to the casino on my schedule and love it.
Maybe there’s a balance for you so you don’t have to give it all up just yet. A solution that cuts back your real world job hours..
I doubt I’ll be able to buy in to a WSOP event this year.. ya know being unemployed and all 
I’d like to meet up with you guys if you’re out there though. Bellatrix I think you might have my email..
Good Luck with whatever you decide.
Sandy
Oh boy, do I hear you. I’m also in the academic world and looking at such a bleak job market that grinding 80k hands a month of online cash games is starting to look like a career plan. Even with tougher games, fewer players… it’s such a different milieu than the university world and in many ways more satisfying and fun.
Good luck with your decision. – Adam